“I am what I feel” sums up expressive individualism. Our culture frames identity around discovering what our deepest desires and longings are. To know our longings is to know ourselves.
In Billie Eilish’s 2023 song “What was I made for?” written for “Barbie,” Eilish reflects on the confusing journey to understand her feelings. It’s this journey, she assures herself that will lead to her happiness.
“The end is near!” “Repent!”
Have you ever seen a statement of prophetic warning spray-painted on a wall or in a subway station? got to be honest, I don’t take much notice to such warnings. But what if those warnings were for me and for you?
We are feeling all the feels. Our youngest, Soren, is about to graduate from high school. This has been a season of reflection for Angel and me and a season of preparation. In our children’s ministry hallways at New Life next to each age level we have containers that represent how many days of influence remain for you as a parent before your child launches. I recognize, of course, that there is no finish line for parenting, but one’s influence and role changes significantly in each season.
As we look back on our parenting, the most important things we taught our children were who God is and who they were.
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome and hard to control. I can remember having intrusive thoughts from the time I was a child. When we drove, I often felt the compulsion to press one foot down on the floor between the telephone poles (and yes, I also hopped over the cracks in the sidewalk). At other times, when walking alone, I remember the persistent thought, “He’s watching you.” I would search the bushes and trees for the one my mind told me was watching me.
The aged prophet Isaiah showed up at the bedside of the middle-aged king. Hezekiah was only about 39 years old and terminally ill. But the prophet was not bringing good news, “Set your house in order, for you shall die, you shall not recover” (Is. 38:1).
The weak king cried out to God, “’ Please, O LORD, remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight’. And Hezekiah wept bitterly.” (Is. 38:3).
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome and hard to control. I can remember having intrusive thoughts from the time I was a child. When we drove, I often felt the compulsion to press one foot down on the floor between the telephone poles (and yes, I also hopped over the cracks in the sidewalk). At other times, when walking alone, I remember the persistent thought, “He’s watching you.” I would search the bushes and trees for the one my mind told me was watching me.
Six categories of the cross: JI Packer begins, “Jesus Christ is, in fact, an expression of the temper of the whole New Testament. For explaining the cross, the New Testament uses many images, many categories, many modes of thought blended together. These various categories and modes of thought serve to enrich our understanding of the cross and its meaning.”
A game of hide-and-seek: how shame keeps us from the Father’s love: Bethany Broderick shares a moment with her daughter, “The angry speech I was ready to give her melts away, and I drop to the ground next to her. I pull her close, and she cries against me. She is broken over her sin, yet she doesn’t know what to do other than try to hide.”
We were stuck. “I’m done with the marriage,” she said. Years of subtle neglect had shut her down. She would remain married, but there would be no marriage. He was desperate. He heard his wife’s hurt and confessed his neglect. He was willing to change. In our sessions thereafter, he appeared earnest and his actions seemed to prove his sincerity. But she didn’t trust him and wouldn’t let down her guard.
Deep down, I felt something was amiss, but I didn’t know what it was. Several times she assured us that there was no other man involved.
I was born in Fairbanks, Alaska. During the dead of winter, there are several weeks when the sun skims the horizon for a mere four hours a day. If you move north to the Arctic Circle, there are days without sunlight.
Can you imagine a world without light? A world where you can’t see your hand in front of your face?
New Study Changes Understanding of Depression: Three counselors I respect make sense of an important new study about serotonin and depression. They share, “Most people believe depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, but this assumption has been challenged by a recent medical study titled “The Serotonin Theory of Depression.” The project, led by Dr. Joanna Moncrieff of the University College of London, was an umbrella review, a survey of the major psychiatric research on the link between depression and serotonin, the neurotransmitter psychiatrists have long cited as the most likely chemical cause of depression. After reexamining and collecting much of the relevant and reliable research, the study concluded there is ‘no convincing evidence that depression is caused by serotonin abnormalities.’”
Give Him Your Acorns: I’m sure you’ll love this beautiful story that Brianna Lambert shares about her son. “Instead of squeezing harder, my son knew where the safest place was for his acorns—in someone else’s hand. He was sure the hands of his bigger, stronger, wiser mother were more capable of keeping his treasures safer than his own. His complete confidence in my protection was humbling, and it’s an attitude Jesus invites all of his followers to share.”
Driven By Awe: Fighting Sin: James Williams considers that perfect slice of chocolate cake, “There was a war going on in my heart. Two competing desires battling within me. Do I ditch the diet and enjoy the cake? Or, do I resist its calls and carry on toward my goals?”
Shame Off You: Rich Villados encourages us, “In a broken world, trauma—and the attending shame—will continue to be with us. But, by the grace of God, it doesn’t have to consume us. It can be redeemed. For all its strangeness, that is the good news of the gospel.”
Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Bees make a couple of appearances in this stunning collection. I think my favorite might be the photo of the sea lion.
1. Money is Not the Problem: Paul Tripp with some important but hard truth about our relationship with money, "Money sanity does not begin with a budget but with humble, honest, and heart-level confession that is without excuse or shifting the blame. Where, when it comes to your money, is God calling you to honest confession of heart and hands?"
2. Pastors Identify What Idols Their Congregations Struggle With: Marissa Postell shares recent research in which "[M]ore than half of U.S. Protestant pastors believe comfort (67%), control or security (56%), money (55%) and approval (51%) are idols that have significant influence on their congregations." Parenthetically, perhaps most alarming to me was that the numbers were as low as they were… and that 14% of pastors said their congregations don't struggle with any (!) of these idols.
3. Five Questions I Wish My Accountability Partner Would Ask Me: This is surprisingly good, and I encourage you to incorporate it with your close friends. Brad Hambrick begins by explaining that he doesn't like the term "accountability partner." He says, "Can I contradict the title of this post in the first sentence? I don't like the word "accountability partner" any more than I like the word "diet," and I dislike them both for the same reason. They sound like an exception and a punishment rather than a lifestyle and a gift."
4. Ashamed Sinner, Unashamed Savior: Erik Raymond encourages us, "When you're in the midst of guilt and shame—which we should rightly feel in the midst of sin—we have to take all that he has done and his promises to God and see that he's actually not ashamed of us. It's not that he excuses sin, but he welcomes sinners."
5. Terrestrials: The Mastermind: This NPR podcast examining the intelligence of octopi is aimed at kids, but I had so much fun listening to it, and I bet you will also.
Trauma is everywhere. One in four women and one in six men will be sexually abused. At least one in seven children have experienced abuse or neglect in the past year. More than one in four abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children.
Psychological research continues to demonstrate the tentacle-like nature of the impact of trauma. Effects include dissociation, panic attacks, hyperarousal, loss of sleep, low self-esteem, grief, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse.
I was eleven years old and our Little League season had just come to an end. At my insistence, my parents dropped me off at the mall with my teammates to hang out. Not long after the parents had left, my friends hatched a plan: they wanted to go to see the hit new movie Die Hard 2. A knot formed in my stomach as the plan was hatched. Die Hard was rated R. I’m not sure I had seen a PG-13 movie. I told them that we couldn’t see it because we were too young. My friends scoffed: “I go to rated R movies all the time! They never stop me.” I shrunk back. We paid and walked in.
I felt sick through the whole movie and afterward. When my parents picked me up and asked what we did, I doubled down with a lie, “we just hung out.” I felt sicker.
Even after asking for forgiveness, the cloud over my heart remained. Guilt was gone. Shame remained.
Shame has power.
Shame is one of the most destructive forces on this earth. Shame is destructive because it attacks our spiritual and emotional life.
An Open Letter to Those Nearing Retirement: John Dunlap’s letter is simple and rich. “For years I have given my retiring patients two simple rules for retiring well: Wake up every morning knowing what you are going to do that day. Go to bed every night knowing that someone else was helped.”
The Man in the Mirror: My friend Dustin DeJong’s post on shame is excellent. He says, “When I force my eyes to meet their reflection, it’s not my eyes I see. It’s my shame: what I’ve done and who I’ve become. It’s what these eyes have seen, these ears have heard, these hands have done. There are decades of regret behind those eyes. It’s the feeling of 20+ years of sexual struggles.”
Wounds in Beauty Glorified: Mitch Chase responds to the question: “Why did Jesus’ resurrected body bear wounds of his crucifixion?” His third reason is, “Third, the visible marks on Jesus’s risen body were not evidence of failure but were a display of victory.”
Harry Emerson Fosdick and the Spirit of American Liberalism: You likely don’t know Fosdick’s name, but Kevin DeYoung shares why it is worth knowing. A drift to spiritualism and liberalism is nothing new. Fosdick preached, “’God keep us,’ he exhorted in the last line of his sermon, ‘intellectually hospitable, open-minded, liberty-loving, fair, tolerant, not with the tolerance of indifference as though we did not care about the faith, but because always our major emphasis is upon the weightier matters of the law.’”
Grief is Not the Enemy: Travis writes, “Like love or joy or hope, grief is not less than an emotion, but it is also much more. And certainly, love and joy are tightly connected with grief. We cannot truly grieve something or someone unless we love them first and take joy in them. It would be natural to think of grief as the opposite of joy, or the absence of love, but that’s not quite right.”
Fantastic Fireflies: Fantastic indeed!
It’s that time of year, when transitions happen: seasons close and new seasons begin. Maybe you’re a student who just headed off to college. Maybe you got a new job. Maybe your employer transitioned you. Those are some of the many natural reasons that you might have just left or might be leaving your church in the coming weeks.
Maybe you’ve left or are planning on leaving your church for entirely different reasons, though. Maybe your pastor is in a rut. Maybe the worship grates on you. Maybe you feel like you just don’t know anyone there any longer. Maybe you were injured by someone at the church and you tense up at the awkwardness of returning. Maybe you feel like you’re not getting spiritually fed there any longer. Maybe you are frustrated with how your church has handled Covid-19.
In this four-part series we will explore appropriate reasons for leaving a church, how to leave a church, how to choose a church, and how to join a church.
Let’s explore some of the most common reasons[i] people leave the church and reflect whether they are appropriate or not.
1) I feel disconnected
“The church doesn’t feel like home any longer. My friends have left and I feel like I’m at someone else’s church when I arrive.”
It’s not appropriate to leave: losing friends is hard, but we shouldn’t leave a church because our friends have left. Part of the joy of the church is that God brings together strangers into community. Do the hard work of starting a new small group or serving in a new ministry and God will surely bring about new relationships.
Sign up to get The Bee Hive delivered to your inbox and receive a free 50 Books That Changed My Life (and Might Change Yours, Too) download!
