Leadership

Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler

Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler

I didn’t know what I was stepping into. Strained voices were raised. Pointed accusations flew like snowballs across the narrow distance between the parties. Trying to scramble for control of the situation I treaded water verbally, first succeeding, then flailing, and then failing monumentally, shifting from mediator to combatant in one fell swoop. It was one of my most significant moments of failure as a pastor and a man.

Your failure in the midst of crucial conversations might not be as dramatic. In fact, maybe you failed by turning tail and running. That’s what is so difficult about these turning-point moments: failure is easy, success is hard.

Crucial Conversations is aimed at equipping the reader with a number of tools to use to navigate high pressure and high consequence conversations. Who couldn't improve in their ability to navigate these conversations? Unlike a lot of books in a similar genre, the authors present several different tools in the course of the book to help navigate these conversations. The book is therefore very content rich and not easy to reduce to a simple technique or phrase. Here is the most concise summary I can come up with: in the midst of crucial conversations, check your heart, listen well, and respond thoughtfully.

Why I'm Not Giving Up on Social Media

Why I'm Not Giving Up on Social Media

There are plenty who lament the impact social media has had on our lives and relationships. The ripples are real[i]: the dilution of relationships, envy, and loss of time are all undeniable side-effects.

In reaction, more than a few of my friends have unplugged. I know several of my pastor friends who intentionally sideline social media from their lives. They might have accounts, but for the most part, they lie dormant. They have chosen to protect themselves from the negative impact of social media on their lives. I understand the decision and, in terms of personal emotional health, I think it’s actually a wise choice.

I’m unwilling to give up social media, though.

It’s not because I’m addicted (although maybe I am) or in order to use it to build a platform (I’m pretty squeamish about that word).

It’s because social media is an indispensable part of my pastoral leadership. I don’t think I could minister as effectively if I was disconnected.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1.       How to Talk to a Child You're Disciplining: Simple but important advice. " Words like these will reassure your children of their value to you. They will underscore that the foundation of your relationship is bigger and stronger than any wrong act they could perform. Words like these mirror how God the Father loves you."

2.       7 Questions to Ask Your Staff on a Bi-Annual Basis: These are great questions from David Fantin. I especially like #1 and #3: "how is work affecting your soul?" and "are you being utilized to the best of your abilities?"

3.       Do You Regret Your Dating History?  Marshall Segal reflects, "Nearly two thirds of not-yet-married Christians express regret over previous relationships. That means the critical questions in dating are not just whom to date, how to date, and when to wed, but what to do when we get it wrong. And the reality is most of us get it wrong at some point along the way."

4.        I Am Not a Pirate: The first story about how the worst pirate in the world met the best pirate in the world is especially good. 

5.       How Geography Made the US a Superpower: This is such a unique way to read the history of the United States. Beyond discussing how geography made us a superpower, the video talks about why cities ended up where they did and how those cities were shaped as well. 

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

This past weekend we finished a brief sermon series on neighboring. Neighboring, as we see it in Luke 10 is at the heart of God and ought to drive our hearts. 

The bad news is that it's hard to be a good neighbor today. The good news is that there are so few good neighbors, when you neighbor well it stands out. 

Here are a couple of resources to help encourage us to take simple steps toward neighboring with God's heart.

Lessons from an Anti-Hero: Go

Lessons from an Anti-Hero: Go

Jonah was the only prophet called to people out of Israel.[i] That fact makes it easier to sympathize with Jonah’s resistance to God’s call to go to Nineveh. “I didn’t sign up for this,” Jonah must have thought. “No one else has ever been asked to do this!”

In his own book, Jonah is the anti-hero, a reminder of what we are not to do. God gives Jonah four directives in his book and Jonah (initially at least) rejects all four. The first two calls are coupled together. “Arise and go!” God twice tells Jonah. Last week we examined God’s call for Jonah and us to arise and we reflected just how difficult it is to swim against the cultural current and arise. But arise we must.

And Go. We must go into the mess. We’re called to step into the entanglements of lives around us. It’s easier to keep the lids on the trash cans, but you can’t get into the lives of those around you unless you start taking off some lids.

Lessons from an Anti-Hero: Arise

Lessons from an Anti-Hero: Arise

The Anti-Hero isn’t a modern invention, thousands of years ago Jonah was the Anti-Hero of his own story. An inspired story in the pages of scripture, no less! Jonah’s story is in the Bible to hold up a mirror to ourselves and ask if our hearts reflect Jonah’s twisted heart for the world or God’s compassionate heart.

God, the Hero, speaks first in Jonah’s tale. “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me,”[i] God directs Jonah. “But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish”[ii] (in the exact opposite direction, over sea instead of over land).

Why Don’t You Preach More About…?!

Why Don’t You Preach More About…?!

What topics does your pastor avoid? When was the last time you heard sermon dealing with depression? Sexuality? Race? Immigration? I’ve been part of more than a few conversations with congregants who have complained either that we don’t preach enough on a particular topic (ironically, this often occurs right after we preach on that topic), or that they hope we will not be like their old church that never preached on a particular topic.

Christianity Today puts out periodic issues which focus on particular issues. In those issues, they often have polls where they report how often respondents say their pastors speak about that particular issue. Unsurprisingly, the polls always show severe neglect of the given topic. I’m grateful for Christianity Today—they do great work and I benefit from their excellent writing and reporting. But I’m wary of the criticism that pastors don’t preach often enough about any given issue for a few reasons:

How to Pray for Someone in Need

How to Pray for Someone in Need

“How are you today?” you greet your neighbor at the park. You asked the question like you meant it, and, perhaps because of that her response, “Okay,” is accompanied by the expression that says that she is most definitely not “okay.” “What’s the matter?” you ask, thoughtfully ignoring her “okay,” responding instead to her expression. And out comes the story of her fight with her husband last night. How do you conclude your conversation? You know you should pray, but how do you pray?

Perhaps the only thing stronger than our natural impulse toward the spiritual and religious is our reticence toward public displays of our religion.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1.       The Birth of a Daughter and the Birth of the Camera Phone: The story of how the camera phone was born.

2.       8 Major Changes in the Church in the Past 10 Years: Thom Rainer reflects on the most significant changes in the church in the past decade. It's a pretty encouraging list.

3.       A Hill to Die On: When is a hill worth dying on? Jonathan Van Maren reflects on whether hills are worth dying on. Douglas Wilson's quote is helpful and I'm still wrestling with it: "Whenever we get to that elusive and ever-receding “hill to die on,” we will discover, upon our arrival there, that it only looked like a hill to die on from a distance. Up close, when the possible dying is also up close, it kind of looks like every other hill. All of a sudden it looks like a hill to stay alive on, covered over with topsoil that looks suspiciously like common ground. So it turns out that surrendering hills is not the best way to train for defending the most important ones. Retreat is habit-forming."

4.       The Case for Free Range Kids: Lenore Skenazy makes a case for free range kids by sharing a story of the day she let her 9 year old find his way home in New York City.

5.       Thunderstruck: a collection of beautiful supercell thunderstorms.

Teaching for Change, part 2

Teaching for Change, part 2

I took three preaching courses at seminary. They were all excellent. I didn’t take any courses on teaching, and wasn’t aware of any offered. It wasn’t until a campus minister sat me down for a conversation I would have even considered the need for a separate class on teaching. Aren’t they both just presenting biblical truth accurately and memorably?

That conversation ended with the most impactful advice I’ve ever received about teaching: prepare your lesson around several open questions that engage the group. Such preparation maximizes what small group teaching environments can do so well: connect biblical truths with individual hearts to bring about change.

Let’s unpack how I prepare to teach with the aim to experience change myself and help those in the group experience change.