gratitude

The Danger of Ingratitude

The Danger of Ingratitude

There is a deadly toxin that contaminates the air we breathe. It’s a poison that, if we are aware of it at all, seems innocuous to us both because everyone else is breathing it in, and as far as we’re aware of it, others are breathing more of it in than us.

The poison is ingratitude. And it is everywhere.

Everything (that I don’t have) is Awesome

Psychologists agree that social media has made us less happy. Why is that? Because the constant access into others’ lives taps into our propensity toward ingratitude. We are surrounded by neighbors with nicer cars, friends who take better and longer vacations, couples who are happier, and everyone seems to be fitter and better dressed than we are. And it’s all there for us to see tucked into that powerful, shiny rectangle in our pockets. Every minute of every day.

Sabbatical Gratitude

Sabbatical Gratitude

I’m back! My first sabbatical was a wonderful experience. We spent twenty-four days on the road visiting eight national parks. Beauty met us at every turn. Many have asked what I learned on sabbatical. I’m not sure I can answer that question. But I’ve experienced truths about who I know God is more deeply: his grandeur, his bigness, his beauty.

The Power of Encouragement

The Power of Encouragement

We are called to be those marked by encouragement. So, why is encouragement so hard for us? Why do we withhold praise? For some of us, we withhold encouragement because we just get busy. I like to write encouragement notes to volunteers and co-workers at New Life, but it’s surprising how quickly the weeks (and sometimes months!) go by between when I write them.

Some of us withhold encouragement because we are too focused on ourselves. It requires a humble heart focused on others and not ourselves to offer encouragement. To the extent that we are self-focused, we will never be able to be strong encouragers.

Injustice: The Gratitude Snatcher

Injustice: The Gratitude Snatcher

I pray you had a blessed Thanksgiving. I hope your heart entered into this past week with a spirit of gratitude and that your time with friends, family, and God only heightened that gratitude.

No one wants to walk in ingratitude, and yet gratitude can be so quickly snatched from us.

What destroys thanksgiving? There are many threats: envy, pride, and selfishness. But one sneaky snatcher of gratitude is injustice. When the earth quake with injustice, its tremors rattle our hearts and our trust.

When we experience injustice, questions swirl: Why would God allow this wrong to happen? Doesn’t God care about me? Won’t the wrongdoer be punished? Won’t the victim receive restitution?

Our hearts cry out: but why God? When the solid ground beneath us breaks in the earthquake of injustice, we can be left feeling uncertain, shaken, and fearful. In this broken soil, gratitude can slip away.

When the people of Nineveh repent and God forgives them, Jonah is dismayed. How could a just God let the Ninevites off the hook? They were a city of “unceasing evil” (Nah. 3:19), filled with violence, cruelty, sexual debauchery, and idolatry. Jonah is indignant.

How Hard is Your Heart?

How Hard is Your Heart?

You can tell a good piece of fruit or vegetable by its color and by its feel. The avocado might be the trickiest one I know. A novice might think that a bright green, hard avocado is the best, but counter-intuitively, the best avocados are dark, with shades of brown, giving easily to the touch. The heart of a growing Christian also gives easily to the touch.

No one comes to see a counselor or pastor to talk about their problems not wanting success, but the state of our hearts so often resists the very thing we want. A soft heart can turn my mediocre counsel into pearls of wisdom. A hard heart will turn the wisest counsel ever offered into sawdust.

Fighting for Victimhood

Fighting for Victimhood

As a boy I was fascinated with pain. I often wondered how the pain I felt compared to pain others felt. I mostly kept this to myself, but there was at least one occasion I got into an argument with friends about who had experienced the most pain.

We all shared our stories: fractured limbs, concussions, road rash, and a hernia (that was my best card). As each story concluded the storyteller would lean back, content with his story, expecting white flags to be raised in defeat. But, in fact, each of us was disappointed with the reception of our tales of woe as the next storyteller would jump in, one-upping the last teller’s story of pain with his own.

I look back with embarrassment at the immaturity and narcissism this pain one-upmanship revealed in me. And yet, is this not the culture we live in today: a culture of victimhood?

The Royal Flush of Victimhood

There is nothing more powerful in today’s culture than playing the card of victimhood. And there appear to be more playing that card than ever before.

The Not-So-Insignificant Danger of Ingratitude

The Not-So-Insignificant Danger of Ingratitude

There is a deadly gas that contaminates the air we breathe. The toxic gas appears unthreatening because everyone appears to breathe it in and breathe it out as harmlessly as oxygen.

The poison is ingratitude. And it is everywhere.

Everything (that I don’t have) is Awesome

Psychologists agree that social media has made us less happy. Why is that? Because the constant access into others’ lives taps into our propensity toward ingratitude. We are surrounded by neighbors with nicer cars, friends who take better and longer vacations, couples who are happier, and everyone seems to be fitter and better dressed than we are. And it’s all there for us to see tucked into that powerful, shiny rectangle in our pockets. Every minute of every day.

“Hamilton” came to Tucson this week and I watched as my Facebook feed was filled with pictures of those who gushed over the show. We were blessed to attend and so my heart was guarded against jealousy. But where will my heart be in the spring when I am unable to attend a show I was really hoping to go to because I have a scheduling conflict?

The Ancient Beginnings of Ingratitude.

The story of how it all fell apart is a story you’ve heard. God’s perfectly ordered creation and Adam and Eve’s response of gratitude lasts all of two chapters. God creates man and woman. He invites them to live alongside himself in perfect peace. He names them as king and queen over this paradise and grants them great latitude in their reign.

He creates a tree in the garden, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and he says “Everything is yours for taking and enjoying except this one. This one you need to stay away from.”[i] Will they be content with the 99.9% of what they were given, orwill they be discontent with the .1% they weren’t given? Will ingratitude set it? That .1% was the sliver Satan slid through.

The Robbery of Victimhood

The Robbery of Victimhood

As a boy I was fascinated with pain. I often wondered how the pain I felt compared to pain others felt. I mostly kept this to myself, but there was at least one occasion I got into an argument with friends about who had experienced the most pain.

We all shared our stories: fractured limbs, concussions, road rash, and a hernia (that was my trump card). As each story concluded the storyteller would lean back, content with his story, expecting white flags to be raised in defeat. But, in fact, each of us was disappointed with the reception of our tales of woe. Our friends seemed unmoved by our ghastly pain and then would jump in with their own story, believing they could one-up the pain the last storyteller experienced.

I look back with embarrassment at the immaturity this pain one-upmanship revealed in me. My lack of empathy revealed a narcissistic heart. Thinking that my own pain was greater than anyone else’s only demonstrated my ego. Today’s culture of victim reveals similar truths about our collective hearts.

The Wild Draw Four Card of Victimhood

There is nothing more powerful in today’s culture than playing the card of victimhood. Like a kid holding onto the Wild Draw Four card in Uno, we hold tight to our victim card, pulling it out at just the right moment, expecting it to guarantee our victory.

Thankful in 2020?

Thankful in 2020?

Who will be joining you at your Thanksgiving table this year? If you are like most people, it will be a much smaller gathering than you are accustomed to. There will be some measure of grief as you pull fewer chairs up to the table and slice into that smaller turkey.

There are lots of reasons to be discouraged in 2020. Businesses closed, some had paychecks replaced with unemployment checks, most have had a friend or family member battle COVID-19, and some have lost loved ones this year. Churches haven’t been able to gather together in person for worship for chunks of the year, and division over masks and politics has threatened the church’s unity.

May I invite James to one of the open seats at your Thanksgiving table? Let me warn you, though, James is the uncle who shoots straight. You might not like what he has to say. But you know he always speaks out of love.

Sitting with icy beverages in hand, complaints start dripping like the oil off the bird in the oven. Your dad grouses about politics, your grandfather expresses concern over financial instability, your sister goes off on anti-maskers, you voice your irritation with your boss, and your mom shares her annoyance about decisions at your church. James listens, sips his cranberry punch, and then quietly interjects, “Count it all joy, my [family], when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2).

Sheesh, Uncle Jimmy, can’t you show a little sympathy to a family struggling through a challenging year?

In Honor of Pastor Matt

In Honor of Pastor Matt

Last month Pastor Matt Ristuccia retired after 35 years of pastoral ministry in Princeton, New Jersey. I met Matt seventeen years ago on a Sunday morning in August. Matt stepped up behind a modest wooden pulpit in a navy blazer and baby blue tie and then came to life. From the elbow of that odd L-shaped sanctuary, he pivoted to the left and right, holding the physically split congregation of Westerly Road Church (called Stone Hill Church today) together by sheer force of will. Animated and winsome, he had my attention.

I was a new seminary student at Princeton Theological Seminary, and my young bride and I were trying to find our way in this strange new land of ivy. Ahead of me was a journey of theological and character formation. I was an evangelical at a mainline seminary, unsure whether I would land in academia or pastoral ministry and where I would find a church that would fit.

Angel and I approached Matt after the service and introduced ourselves. He was just as lively in person as he was behind the pulpit. Over the following ten years, I would become an attendee at Westerly Road Church, then a member, an intern, ordained, and finally a pastor. Matt would dedicate both of our children and would become one of the most influential mentors in my life.

Looking back on those formative years under Matt’s pastoral leadership, these are the top seven lessons I learned from Matt: