Many American Christians are disappointed with their experience at church. Many feel shiftless: lacking deep friendships, disconnected from leadership, and without a direction as disciples.

When I graduated from Gordon with my BA and came back across the country to marry my bride, I busted through the doors of our new church like a bull in a china shop. I wanted to dive into ministry as quickly as I could and sit under a mentor as soon as possible. I was a man on a mission, eager to put my biblical-theological studies degree to use as soon as possible. I reached out to the pastoral staff and tried to jump in as quickly as I could into ministry roles and sought out mentoring from the pastoral staff. There were lots of good things about our experience at that church, but when we left two and a half years later for seminary, I was largely disappointed with the ministry opportunities that had been available to me and the lack of depth of my relationship with the pastoral staff.

Many church members are at a church for years without feeling a significant level of connection and belonging.

Without a doubt, there are ways in which churches need to improve in helping newcomers feel at home quickly and well. That is a post for another day. Today, I want to offer my 21-year-old self some advice about how to make a new church his family.

God intends the local church to be home. One of Paul’s phrases for the church is “the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10) or “the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19).[i] The church ought to be our home: a place where we are intimately connected with our first family.

When I graduated with my BA in Biblical-Theological studies and came back across the country to marry my bride, I entered our new church like a bull in a china shop. I wanted to get my hands into ministry as quickly as I could and sit under a mentor as soon as possible. I reached out to the pastoral staff and tried to jump in as quickly as I could into various ministry roles and getting mentored. There were lots of good things about our experience at that church, but when we left two and a half years later for seminary, I was largely disappointed with the ministry opportunities that had been available to me and the pastoral mentoring I had received. Some of the blame for my experience falls on the church leadership. But plenty falls on myself.  

Many can identify with disappointment in a church. Many of you have been at a church for years without feeling a significant level of connection and belonging.

There are absolutely ways in which churches need to improve in helping newcomers feel at home quickly and well, but there are lots of things I would tell my 21 year old self about how to join a church and what expectations to have.