“Don’t listen to your feelings; remember what Jesus did for you!”
“Don’t be guided by your feelings; listen to what God commands you to do!”
In just the past week, I heard both of these warnings. Two very different Christian speakers urged their audiences to shut down their feelings. These admonitions resonate. They contain truth. It is correct that our feelings don’t override truth, nor do our emotions negate what God has done. Neither do our feelings give us an out for what God commands us to do.
It is also true that there are dangers in emotionalism: a spirituality that uses one’s emotions as the sole gauge of God’s presence or truth.
And yet.
There is a danger to the subtle stoicism that some corners of Christendom are drawn toward.[i] In this worldview, emotions are dangerous and hinder faith. This is false. Emotions are not our enemy. They’re a gift from God and purposed by him to be harnessed, not suppressed.
I’ve met with many who struggle to identify their emotions (men seem to be particularly vulnerable to this challenge). Faith sometimes only exacerbates the issue. We numb our feelings because we don’t like the feeling of pain. We numb our feelings because we think God might be disappointed in us if we felt disappointment with him. We shut down our emotions because we don’t want to be out of control.
In their book Untangling Emotions, Alasdair Groves and Winston Smith say that, “Christians often see negative emotions, the ones we would describe as feeling ‘bad,’ as signs of spiritual failure.” But what if emotions can invite us deeper into relationship with God?
Emotions are a gift. They are “an essential way we bear God’s image.” Jesus himself demonstrates a life fully lived in emotions. To open oneself up to emotions is to be vulnerable. And to be vulnerable is to have the opportunity to experience love and grieve, to mourn and rejoice. We are reminded that, “God loves, so God grieves.”
A brief look at the Bible itself shows us individual after individual whose expression of emotions leads them toward the heart of God. God leans in with empathy as Israel groans over their pain in their enslavement (Ex 2:23). Mordecai cries out to God on behalf of Israel when he learns of their imminent destruction, and God responds (Es 4:1). Job’s pitiable moans reach God’s ears (Job 19:7). The Psalms are filled with the laments of David, the Sons of Korah, and others, laments we are invited to emulate. The prophets’ hearts are wrung out before God, and God hears and responds to them. We see powerful displays of emotion capture Jesus’ heart throughout the gospel accounts (see the blind men (Matt 9:27), the Canaanite woman (Matt 15:22), the demoniac (Mk 5:5), Bartimaeus (Mk 10:48), the lepers (Lk 17:13), and on and on).
How do we become like those who are so comfortable with their emotions? To engage our emotions, we must recognize that emotions point to what we are invested in—they reveal what we value. We spiritually mature as we learn to evaluate our emotions. Spiritual growth doesn’t mean having fewer strong emotions; spiritual development is demonstrated by having emotions that are more and more in line with God’s emotions. To engage our emotions healthily is to pour out those emotions, positive and negative alike to God.
For us to grow in our love not just of God but of one another requires emotional maturation. Empathy is “an essential element of the gospel.” If Jesus could condescend emotionally for us, so we too can condescend emotionally to those who are struggling.
Groves and Smith conclude Untangling Emotions with a reminder of the power and beauty of our incarnate Savior who still bears the scars of his suffering. Jesus’ scars are “the very emblems of his deepest, most shocking, most breathtaking goodness. His scars are intrinsic to his glory.” This same Savior captures our tears. “Somehow heaven will be a place where our sorrows are both utterly and completely comforted and deeply and eternally remembered.”
So, friends, let us lean into Jesus with our emotions and discover new depth in our relationship with the God who designed emotions and, yes, even has emotions. Do not deceive yourself by thinking that you can grow in your spirituality by shutting down your feelings. Your life with Christ will deepen as you learn to feel and entrust God with your emotions.
[i] I would consider my own corner of Reformed Christianity to be one such corner.
Photo by Simeon Jacobson on Unsplash