When was the last time you were at church? Maybe it’s been years. Just thinking of your last time at church might make you recoil a bit. Perhaps it was the music, the awkward coffee hour, the rambling sermon.

But perhaps there is something in you that has you wanting to try it again. A friend you respect invited you. Or maybe you have heard clips from the pastor that resonated with you. Do you risk going again? Or will it be another awkward experience?

Or perhaps you have spent a fair amount of time in churches, checking out this one because your friends go there, another one because you connect with the music, and a third, because you like the children’s ministry there. But no church is your home.

God has made you to be part of the community called his church. He purposes for us to be part of a local family of followers of Jesus. That’s both for your good and for the good of the church. You ought to miss the church (and the church ought to miss you!). There the Word is preached, God is worshiped, the people serve one another and the community through their gifts, and the light of God’s salvation shines to the world.

But how do you make the church home? Here are some recommendations:

(Really) Try One

You’ve been invited by a friend to one church, looked into a couple others you’ve heard about, and found a few more with a Google search. Go ahead and check out the videos of the service. Make sure it checks the doctrinal boxes that are important to you (you can find our church’s entire doctrinal statement online, for instance).

Then really give the church a try. Go twice at the very least. Unless it’s terrible, try it a third time. There isn’t a church in America that has a service where the sermon and worship blow you out of the water every week. That’s not what you should be looking for anyway. I hope you experience the Bible clearly and faithfully preached, and God glorified in praise and prayer.

I guarantee you there are going to be things you don’t like about the church. Maybe the pastor preaches too long. Or the hallways are too narrow. Or the greeters didn’t seem overly friendly. Or the music wasn’t your style. Or it was too loud. You won’t find the perfect church. It doesn’t exist. You are going to have to overlook things about the church that don’t fit your preferences.

Take a Step Forward

Alright. You’ve planted your flag. You’re going to make a particular church your church. Now make yourself known. Fill out the card in the pew. Go to the First Step table (or whatever the equivalent at the church you’re visiting is). Walk up and talk to the pastor. Let him know what you appreciate about the church. Let him know your desire to become part of the church. Send him a follow-up email with an encouraging note.

Follow Through

Hopefully the church gives you a clear pathway for what they want you to do next. For us at New Life, we want all newcomers to go through our Next Steps class that provides newcomers with an opportunity to get to know New Life’s heart, and we get to hear theirs and plug them into community and service. We want you connect you with places that you can belong, like a connection group or ministry team.

If your church doesn’t offer something that clear, that’s okay. Find a way to get plugged into a group (they come in all types: your church might call them Sunday School classes, Small Groups, or Connection Groups). Look for a place to serve. Don’t expect to be leading a Bible Study before the semester is done. Serve where your gifting matches the church’s need. And if you don’t know what your gifting is, then serve where there is a need and see if you enjoy it. If not, don’t’ worry, I guarantee you there are plenty of other opportunities.

What your mom told you is true, you’ll get out of something what you put in. When you show up, step out, and serve, God is going to bless with you with an experience that you can’t have without making such an investment.

Invite Your Friend

Don’t keep your new home to yourself. Invite those who aren’t connected to a church: your neighbor, your cousin, your co-worker. Share what God has been doing in your life and how you have grown through your new church home. People will be curious to join you as they see your excitement and witness change in your life.

Press Through Discouragement (and Conflict)

More bumps lie ahead. You’ll send an email that doesn’t receive a response. You won’t be trained like you know you should. The church only has two open connection groups and neither fit your schedule. The pastor will preach a sermon that rubs you the wrong way.

Your impulse will be to pick up your bags and try another church. Don’t give up.

Follow the clear biblical admonition of how to navigate conflict (see Matt 18). Seek out the one who has hurt you and let them know about your hurt. Enter into the conversation humbly, but honestly. If the individual isn’t willing to confess to their wrong, bring with you a peacemaker. And if they still won’t reconcile, take it to the church leadership. (See the post here for a longer and clearer explanation of how to navigate conflict).

Look to God

God has made you for himself and his people. Even though he’s made you for his people, they will let you down. That doesn’t mean you need them any less. But it does mean that when they let you down, you need to turn to God. He will never let you down.

You’re going to need to trust God that you need the church for your spiritual maturation. You’re going to need to trust God that you need others’ gifts and they need yours.

It’s tempting to give up on the church. It’s easy to be “spiritual but not religious.” But that’s not God’s purpose for us. And when we give up on the church, we give up on God’s plan of rescue. As Carl Trueman says, “For as soon as you see the church herself as part of the problem, you have lost the gospel and deprived yourself and your audience of hope.”

Photo by Kristina Paparo on Unsplash